


You Make Me Feel Safe

by icegirl99



Series: You Love Him [16]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 16:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21274295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icegirl99/pseuds/icegirl99
Summary: Papa and Copia have a discussion the next morning. Papa asks his Cardinal to make a decision.





	You Make Me Feel Safe

**Author's Note:**

> This has fluff, angst, and a very sappy love confession. I have also named Papa and Cardi. I was not sure about using their names so far into the series but I feel like maybe it works? If it doesn't lay it on me and I won't use them again lol. I did struggle with this in the beginning and I'm pretty sure it's noticeable, not happy about that but oh well. Enjoy!

When Copia woke he found the bed empty. He felt like he had a hangover, but without the headache or nausea. The dark purple blackout curtains were still closed but the Cardinal could tell that it was daylight outside. The sun was bright, it was not early morning. He rolled over to check the alarm clock. It was almost noon. 

Tossing the blankets back, Copia sat up slowly, not wanting to move too quickly in case the lightheadedness returned. He briefly wondered why Papa wasn't in the bed with him, usually the Pope never got out of bed early unless there was a reason. 

The Cardinal had to grab the bedpost to stand up, his body still feeling stiff. After taking a few steps he seemed to be mostly alright, other than the lingering hangover feeling. Copia continued walking through Papa's bedroom and went into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror for a moment. He was pale and tired looking. Sighing, the Cardinal flicked on the light and shut the door. 

He wanted to take a shower but had no clean clothes in Papa’s room. He figured that if Papa had gone out, he would just go down to his own living quarters and shower and change there. 

He flushed the toilet and washed his hands before walking back through to the living room. When he opened the bedroom door he found Papa standing with his back to him at the counter by the bar. Papa was wearing his suit and Copia wondered why. He wasn't working so there was no reason for him to be dressed up, unless it was just habit. 

"Good morning, Copia," Papa turned around and smiled at him. He was also wearing his skull paint. "You slept for a long while. It was a good sleep, yes?" The Pope picked up two cups of coffee. 

Copia smiled back at Papa, feeling himself flush slightly at the sight of his Pope's beautiful face. "It was, Papa," he replied and then sighed, wishing he still wasn't feeling groggy. "I feel sluggish though."

"You are not used to such strong medication, my dear Cardinal. The feeling will stop soon enough." Papa gestured towards the sitting area. "Come, join me for a cup of coffee," he said. "It will make you feel better." He smiled again and Copia felt his heart flutter. 

Copia joined Papa on one of the couches. "Why are you dressed like that Papa?" the Cardinal couldn't stop the question from escaping his lips. He sipped the hot coffee in an attempt to appear like he was making casual conversation. 

"I spoke with Imperator earlier this morning," Papa sipped his own coffee. Copia groaned and felt a twinge of anxiety. Papa continued, "I have asked her reassign any ordainment rituals she has for you to me." 

Copia's hands began to shake and he set his cup down on the table, afraid he may end up spilling the hot liquid. "Did she ask why?" he whispered. He looked away and at the floor, afraid of the answer. 

"She did," Papa spoke slowly. He set his own cup down beside Copia's and leaned towards his slightly distressed Cardinal. Papa reached for one of Copia's hands but the Cardinal pulled it away. Papa sighed and sat back. "I told her that some past issues have come to light and you need some time to work through them. I also informed her that during this time you will not be performing any rituals or other activities that you are not comfortable with." The Cardinal didn't say anything, he was nervously pulling at his fingers. "Are you alright, dear Copia?" Papa sounded concerned. 

"I wish you wouldn't do these things, Papa," Copia whispered, he was fighting tears. He felt that perhaps Papa was pushing a bit too far and his trust in his Pope was starting to slip. "I don't need to stop performing rituals. I have a duty to this church, to you as my leader and to our Dark Lord and Master. I won't let my own feelings get in the way of my duty as a Cardinal." 

Papa smiled gently. "I greatly appreciate your loyalty to my clergy, Copia," Papa said. His expression was serious. "However, I would be lying if I said I was alright with knowing that the man I love was suffering internally while performing those duties."

"I've learned to block the emotions," Copia replied quietly. He was crying now. "It does not bother me as much as you think." 

"It is bothering you now, yes?" Papa asked and he sounded like he was trying to make a point. Copia bit his lip and didn't say anything. He turned his head in angry shame. The Pope knew he was right. He just had to get the Cardinal to admit it. 

Copia took his coffee and sipped it a few times. "I want to go back to bed," he said suddenly. It wasn't entirely true. He just wanted this conversation to end and he couldn't think of another way. "You were wrong, coffee does not help."

"You are welcome to go back to my bed if you wish," Papa said. "I will remind you that it is now afternoon and more sleep will keep you awake all night." Copia still wasn't looking at him. 

The Cardinal downed the rest of his coffee. "I don't want to sleep. I just want to lay down."

"Do you mind some company?" Papa asked hopefully. Copia shrugged. "I would like an answer, Cardinal."

Copia let out a breath. "I don't know," he admitted. He was struggling with a mixture of emotions. He bit his lip, part of what he was feeling was a burning desire. "Part of me wants to be alone. The other part wants you." The Cardinal locked eyes with his Pope and Papa saw that fire burning in Copia's mismatched eyes. 

"Copia…" Papa's voice was pained. He wanted to give in to that desire. A desire that was also burning within him, but he knew that he couldn't. Not yet. "This is your anxiety." Tears stung at Papa's eyes. 

"I don't care, Papa," Copia was crying and Papa decided that there was no point in fighting his own tears. "I feel differently this time," he said. "Before I felt nothing, there was no emotional connection. I did it because in the end I could forget about everything else, for just a few moments. Now I feel it all the time." 

"Are you looking to forget again?" Papa whispered. 

"Yes," there was no point in lying to him. Copia realized then that he wasn't going to get what he wanted. He stood up and turned around. His intention was to find his suit jacket so that he could return to his room and just cry.

The Cardinal jumped slightly when he felt Papa's arms wrap around his waist. The Pope pressed a gentle kiss to Copia's shoulder and he relaxed into the embrace. Papa turned the Cardinal around so that they were facing each other. Copia refused to look at him. The Pope brought a hand up and lightly brushed his fingertips down Copia's cheek before gently tilting the Cardinal's face upwards so that they were looking at each other. Copia smiled sadly. "I love you Andrea Copia," Papa whispered. "And I want to make sweet love to you." He paused and smiled softly. "But once you are better."

The Cardinal cried harder, feeling an overwhelming sense of calm. It was the first time Papa had used his name. He had never heard anyone say his name with such love. His anxiety was gone and it was replaced with the feeling of acceptance and security. He felt loved and calm, but most of all he felt safe in his Pope's arms. "I love you too, Alessandro Emeritus," Copia whispered back. "You make me feel safe and loved. Something that I have never felt in all my years. Something that I never believed I deserved."

"You most definitely deserve to feel safe and loved, my dear Andrea," Papa whispered and kissed his Cardinal passionately. When they broke apart they were both crying in each other's arms. 

Neither knew how long they stayed like that. Eventually, the tears stopped and Papa stepped back slightly. He was still holding onto Copia and he kissed him again before speaking. "How much of last night do you remember dear Cardinal?" the Pope asked. 

The Cardinal shook his head. "Not much," he said. "I remember I agreeing to go down with you to the infirmary after you threatened to drag me there against my will and-"

"Dear Copia," Papa said, slight amusement in his tone. "I did not threaten you." He laughed lightly and grinned. "I merely encouraged you to consent to my offer."

"Yes," Copia replied with a bit of sarcasm. "I also remember most of the time we spent in the infirmary, leading up to when the nurse gave me the medication for my headache. After that my memory gets foggy. I mostly remember being tired. I remember the nurse pushing me to try some sort of medication for the anxiety. The last thing I remember is falling asleep in your bed." 

Copia watched as Papa stepped away from him and went into his bedroom. Curious, the Cardinal followed him. Papa picked up the pair of pants he had been wearing the night before and pulled something from the pocket. When he turned around, Copia had a hard time reading the expression on the Pope's face. It was almost apologetic. He looked down when Papa held out his hand. 

Copia's heart rate increased suddenly when he saw what Papa was handing him. He felt a slight fluttering sensation in his stomach as he slowly reached for the small blue bottle in Papa's hand. The Cardinal picked up the medication bottle, staring at it. His legs felt weak, he moved over to the bed to sit down. "How did you-" Copia started. 

Papa joined him on the bed. "I have my ways," he said calmly as he sat down beside the Cardinal. 

"What are these?" Copia's voice was quiet. He seemed a little scared. 

Papa watched his Cardinal carefully. He thought for a moment before he spoke. "It's a medication called Ativan," Papa replied. "It will help you with the anxiety attacks, as well as the fainting.” He paused briefly. “That is if the panic is the cause of the fainting." Papa stopped then, he was unsure of how Copia was going to react. 

The Cardinal didn't seem to react either way, as more questions fell from his lips. "How do they work? What will I feel like if I take them?" Copia's voice was monotone, like he was speaking on pure reflexes alone. He wasn't looking at the Pope, eyes still locked onto the bottle in his hands.

Papa reached out and put his hand on Copia's thigh comfortingly. "Andrea, look at me," Papa whispered. Surprisingly the Cardinal lifted his head and stared into Papa's mismatched eyes. "I want you to know why I brought these back for you." 

"Alessandro…" It was the first time since starting the conversation that the Pope heard any emotion in his Cardinal's voice. Copia was starting to cry. "I don't want to do this," he pleaded.

"I know you don't," Papa replied quietly. It hurt him but he wasn’t going to give in. "But please, sweet Cardinal, at least allow your Papa to explain himself." 

"Okay, Papa," Copia said, defeated. "But you didn't answer my other questions." 

The Pope thought for a moment, unsure of how to continue. He had the knowledge but did not want to cause Copia more anxiety. There wasn’t much he could say to ease his Cardinal’s distress in the moment. "The Ativan will help you to feel calm during a panic attack," Papa said, deciding to skip the in-depth explanation. "You will feel less agitated and scared. Sometimes you may feel tired after." The Cardinal was staring at the bottle again. Papa reached out and took it, gripping Copia's hand in his own. "I want you to give them a try, dear Copia," Papa said gently. 

"I don't know Alessandro," Copia muttered, but he seemed more grounded now that the Pope had removed the source of his anxiety. "I don't like medicine."

"I am willing to help you through this, Andrea," Papa said, firmly. "But it is taking a toll on me as well." He paused for a moment and when Copia didn’t say anything, he continued. "There are other options," his voice was soft. "Have you ever tried therapy?"

The Cardinal nodded. "Once. Not long after it happened. I went for a few months. It didn’t work." 

Papa bit his lip. He was hoping that he would have more options. "I cannot force you to take anything, Cardinal," he said finally. "I only ask that you try for us both." 

Copia looked at him, unshed tears shining in the Cardinal's mismatched eyes. "It's only temporary, right?" 

Papa looked at him and the Cardinal could tell from the look in Papa’s eyes that it was not the case. The Pope sighed, again unsure of how to answer. "I do not know," he shook his head.

This sparked a small amount of anger within Copia, but also a fear for what the true answer was. "What do you mean 'you don't know', Alessandro?" Copia asked, afraid. He raised his voice slightly. 

"It is not a simple answer," Papa stated, and his voice was calm despite Copia's obvious distress. "It is meant to be temporary, yes." He paused and when he spoke again his voice was soft and pained. "But that is not always the case." 

"Then explain it to me, Papa," the Cardinal said. "I am willing to try but I do not want to take them for the rest of my life." 

"I can only tell you so much, Cardinal," Papa admitted. "I am not well learned in psychology." 

"But you do know, or if you didn’t, you at least asked my doctor last night, didn't you?" his Pope bit his lip and didn't say anything. He knew he would have to tell Copia eventually. "Alessandro, do not try to lie to me. You were gone from my hospital room for more than a few minutes." 

"That is true," Papa said. "And you are correct, dear Copia. I did speak with the doctor last night." 

"Tell me," the Cardinal demanded. "I have a right to know." 

The Pope took in a breath. "As far as treatment goes, there is medication and then there is therapy. Many specific options lie within each type of treatment. Most of which I am not overly familiar with. When it comes to medication it is often trial and error. What works for one may not work for another. Therapy is similar. It is very possible that it may take us a while to find something that works for you." 

Copia nodded. It was a long while before he spoke. Papa could tell he was nervous. "I'm not sure I'm willing to take the long road, Alessandro." He sighed and wiped the tears from his eyes. "In all honesty, I want to go back to what I was doing before." 

"You only want that because it's familiar to you, Andrea," Papa replied. "But I do understand." He lightly rested a comforting hand on his Cardinal’s thigh.

"Will you let me think on it a bit?" Copia asked. He needed to be calmer to make a decision. Papa had given him all the information he could and even that was overwhelming. 

"Of course, my dear Cardinal," Papa said. Copia sighed in relief and leaned over, putting his head down on Papa's shoulder. The Pope wrapped an arm around him and gave Copia a comforting squeeze. 

"I would like to shower and change, Papa," the Cardinal said after a few moments. "I would like it if you came down to my room with me. If you don't mind?" 

Papa smiled. "I do not mind. However, I will not join you in the shower." 

Copia laughed through his tears. "I know," he muttered with a slight hint of amusement. "I want you to though."

"I know you do," Papa grinned but then his expression turned serious. "Think about what I said, yes?” He changed his expression back to one of amusement. “And maybe I can work something out." 

He saw Copia's eyes light up slightly. "Okay, Papa." He blushed and turned his head for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> More cuteness to come! But don't hold me to that haha


End file.
